When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
