Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
