the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
