my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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