The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
