So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
