so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
