OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
