My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
