Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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