Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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