I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
