awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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