The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
