What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
