they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
