I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
