I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im holly from the hills drunk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
