I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
