I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
