Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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