Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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