He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
