I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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