Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
