Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
