beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
