Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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