I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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