I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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