i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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