your parents love me but you hate me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
