Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
