We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
