I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
