I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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