she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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