why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
