Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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