Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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