all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
