Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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