it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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