I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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