you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize