Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
