I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
