I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
