i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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