my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
