why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
