You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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