I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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