Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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