I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
