I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
