he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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