It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
