I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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