theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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