I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
