Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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