____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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