Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
