U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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