She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
