Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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