mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
