Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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