Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
