Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
