I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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