Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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