Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
