The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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