just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
