I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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