I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
