bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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