it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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